A local psychologist is offering advice to ease some of the pressures of holiday stress.
“The first thing you have to do is define stress,” Carrie White, clinical coordinator of Baptist Golden Triangle Behavioral Health Center, said. “What is stress? If you think about it, stress itself does not exists. There is no such thing.”
However, White said there are “stressors.”
“Having said that, if you had to put a definition to stress, stress is a state of mind,” she said. “It’s strictly a perception of how people perceive us, especially at the holidays. We put a lot of expectation on ourselves. We define ourselves on other’s expectations of us.”
The quest for the perfect holiday — perfect tree, perfect decorations, perfect family, perfect dinner — is often unrealistic, White said.
She said women are often the ones stressed during the holidays.
“Like the old saying goes, ‘Women do the cooking and men watch football,'” White said. “A lot of the holiday planning is left to the female partner of a relationship and that comes down to creating a sense of being overwhelmed.”
White encourages women to ask for help if they’re feeling overwhelmed.
“If the whole family is coming over for dinner, ask everyone to bring a dish,” she said. “When it comes to decorating, get the children involved. It’s O.K. to ask for help. A lot of times we don’t want to because it looks like we’re not the perfect little hostess and that becomes a major stressor. We feel like we’ve failed. Sometimes though, we just have to reach out and ask for help to get those things done.”
In addition to asking for help, taking a few minutes for yourself can be a major stress relief, White said.
“Spend some ‘me’ time alone and away from the hustle and bustle and really focus on where you are in your stress,” she said. “Take a hot bath with some hot tea or some hot chocolate, meditate, listen to soft music and read a book that has nothing to do with the holidays. Even just going out to lunch with a friend to get your mind off the holidays and get your mind back on who you really are.”
The most important thing during the holiday season, White said, is to be thankful for what you do have instead of stressing about what you don’t have.
“A lot of people really stress themselves out trying to achieve others people’s expectations instead of their own and it really becomes a dog and pony show of who can out do, but who can live up to that?” she said. “A lot of times, especially during the holidays, we start thinking about what we don’t have. We don’t have enough money to buy the perfect gift, or have the perfect family dinner. Don’t put yourself in debt to live up to other people’s expectations. Remind yourself what Christmas is about: Giving, loving, kindness, joy and celebrating something that is important to you.”
Sarah Fowler covered crime, education and community related events for The Dispatch.
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