Son, I’m worried about you being at the bottom of the class.
That’s okay Dad, they teach the same stuff at both ends.
– Anonymous
One of the funniest movies of the last couple of decades was the dark comedy “Idiocracy.”
A less than average intelligence man is transmitted in a time machine by the military, where after five centuries civilization has turned into an illiterate mess. He is appointed by the rap artist/president to hold the title of “the smartest man on Earth” to help them save humanity.
Not long ago I decided to rewatch the 2006 movie for the laughs. As the movie played, I felt a chill up my spine. I realized that we are well on our way.
Not that long ago, maybe three or four generations ago, Latin and Greek were taught in elementary on up. My theory is that they wanted you to know what bologna your lawyer and your doctor would be putting on your life sandwich.
Today, college seniors are having to take remedial English so they can type up their resumes for jobs they won’t be qualified for and which probably won’t exist. Unfortunately, they’ve done away with typing classes also. Thank Gawd for AI voice commands.
The first day of my (very) brief tenure as a freshman at Mississippi State, I showed up at my English Composition class, which was required for all newbies fresh from the 12th grade human incubator.
English was the one sharp tool in my educational talent bag, so I figured I at least I didn’t have to worry about that. Man, was I wrong.
Here’s, as best I can remember:
Instructor: “You have had twelve years…TWELVE YEARS…to learn the English language. This class is about writing. Every day of class, you will write a paper and longer ones outside of class.”
“When you turn them in, if there is one misspelling, one period or comma in the wrong place or missing or any violation of the language you were born into…you will receive an ‘F’ on that paper. Period. No exceptions.”
I looked around the room at the faces of sheer terror from my classmates. And I’m sure mine was the same.
Just close your eyes and imagine the students of today being told that. Daddy and Daddy’s lawyers would be there for the next class, lawsuit documents in hand.
“How dare you discriminate against the stupidity of my offspring!”
It starts from the first day of kindergarten all the way to being handed a diploma.
There are many fully grown adult people who can’t read “cursive” writing, tell time on a clock with hands, or think that there are 58 (or whateva) states in the U.S.A. There’s not enough space here to describe all of what they don’t know.
I occasionally like the fruit, dates, as a snack. So as I was patrolling the grocery isles in vain trying to find them, I spotted a young guy wearing the store colors.
“Excuse me, where are the dates… you know, dried fruit?”
A lot of stores down here issue their employees an iPhone sort of device which they can use to find items for the customer. He pulled his out.
“How do you spell that?”
Nuff said.
Never in a million years would I dog the teachers. The boots on the ground classroom teachers do what they can with what they’ve been given, often in a war zone. I couldn’t imagine taking that job unless you were a former Navy Seal.
They are the soldiers in the War on Dumbness. Hopefully it’s not Custer’s Last Stand.
Thom Caraccio ([email protected]) is a retired musician and retired motion picture scenic artist living in West Palm Beach, Florida who hails from Columbus. He graduated from S.D. Lee High in 1968 and still considers Columbus his real hometown.
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