A while back I took some mild heat about a column I wrote about the latest generation. Not the Greatest Generation, the Baby Boomer generation or GenX.
The Total Waste of Generations: Millennials and GenZ.
I figured they were a safe target since they don’t read beyond the 7th grade level. It usually is enough to get them to a high school graduation in today’s public school system… but that’s it. I thought I had invented “stealth” columns.
Maybe I should write them in “cursive.” That’ll fool the little scamps.
Newspapers are completely off their radar. All they know about that is that Grandpa has these really big pieces of paper with lots of printed stuff on them. Just something to roll up and hit the new puppy’s nose with when they poop in the house.
Ahhh. But there was a glitch in my planning. Apparently one or more of them accidentally hit the wrong button on their iPhone when they were trying to access their Instagram account. (Or Tinder as it might be.)
It flew past their Firewall like defenses which normally protect them against my columns and landed them in the Dispatch eEdition. I actually can HEAR their little thumbs pounding a drumbeat as they scream in anger.
“Words are violence, mannnn!”
Mommy and Daddy never told them that there are demonic forces out in the world that might criticize them and send them scurrying to the basement in horror. Better put off that job interview at Starbucks ‘til next week… or month.
Aaaah… what’s another year.
It’s okay. Mom will get you a Hot Pocket and wait ‘til your Call of Duty video game is on a break so you don’t get interrupted. And Dad will write another letter to the editor calling for laws against “misinformation” and “content moderation.” That pesky First Amendment is just another fascist trope that doesn’t stop “hate speech.” Or more like, the speech YOU hate.
What really makes my head spin is people who were born before 1990 who jump to their defense.
Sorry fella… there IS no defense.
Pointing out that our society USED to have standards – standards that held for 248 years until five minutes ago – is not an opinion of an old “relic” who just hasn’t kept up with the times. Comparing that with different styles of haircuts through time and other superficial junk has nothing to do with anything.
Actually, the Millennials and GenZers (other than a few green haired zombies) have pretty good haircuts. That’s about the sum of their net social worth.
We’re not talking silly fads or trends… every generation has those.
Have you ever HIRED millennials or GenZ’s? I have. The things I’ve said come to life when you supervise them and expect anything productive to happen. They just do not care. At all. Period.
It’s almost not their fault. Their parents trained them that way.
My critic would like to paint a picture of me as an old fogey howling at the moon wishing the Eisenhower days of the 50’s would come back.
Dude, (yes all generations still use the word) I spent decades in the thick of the hard core world of rock and roll. And decades more running with the Hollywood “cocaine for breakfast” crowd.
I have seen (and done) things that would make you faint and reach for your “blankie.”
Hardly a crusty old conservative watching re-runs of “Murder She Wrote,” holding court from my Cracker Barrel rocking chair.
I guess I should give up the whole humor thing.
Maybe I could write about gardening. The problem with that is if I planted weeds with tons of fertilizer and water, they would die within a day. Black thumb.
Slim chance of that.
How about the food/cooking section? I would have to learn how to boil water and use an oven. Chopping a salad…I would need much work to achieve that. Once again. Not a good fit.
Obituaries? Without supervision by my in-house editor, my typing would not pass muster. The last thing I would want is to misspell the name of the unfortunate-deceased and the address of the funeral home. Yeah. A hard no.
What if I wrote about sports? Well, at what I make these days, I can’t afford to buy a thesaurus so that I can find words that mean “WINNING.” You need at least 200 of them. “The Warthogs crushed, obliterated, carried the day, wiped out, blasted, took the day against the Tupelo Tornadoes.” That’s all I got. Not enough.
I’ll have to stick with making fun of people who deserve it.
Thom Caraccio ([email protected]) is a retired musician and retired motion picture scenic artist living in West Palm Beach, Florida who hails from Columbus. He graduated from S.D. Lee High in 1968 and still considers Columbus his real hometown.
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You can help your community
Quality, in-depth journalism is essential to a healthy community. The Dispatch brings you the most complete reporting and insightful commentary in the Golden Triangle, but we need your help to continue our efforts. In the past week, our reporters have posted 30 articles to cdispatch.com. Please consider subscribing to our website for only $2.30 per week to help support local journalism and our community.
