It was 2005, and I was working in the Oktibbeha County Chancery Office vault researching land deeds when one of the guys from the jail came in. John Tate was an Oktibbeha County Jail trustee. He always had a big smile and friendly greetings. After his cleaning chores, he returned to jail. One day he told me his story. I wrote it all down. The next time I saw John, I handed him a soft covered Bible with his name on it. This is John’s story in his own words. – Shannon Bardwell

My name is John Tate. I am an inmate at Oktibbeha County Jail. If you close your eyes just a minute I can tell you how I got there and the action that I did and how it affected the people that I love, my wife, my kids, my mother, my father who was dying of cancer, my wife who was on chemo … One phone call changed my whole family’s life. I put everyone in prison, in jail, with me. What I want to do is to get not just the young guys and the young ladies, but everyone to think before they make a choice. Who is it really going to effect? It doesn’t just affect you. It affects the whole family-even the whole neighborhood. That’s what happened to me.

I was at home and I got a phone call. “Could you find me some marijuana?”

“Well, I don’t know where it’s at but I’ll try.”

So I got another friend who got it and we were both charged with sale of marijuana.

I was sentenced to 8 years and he was sentenced to 4 years. My sentences was 85% and his was 25% for the same charges.

My family was at home, can’t get to the hospital or chemo treatments. I’m saying, Lord, 10 years wouldn’t mean nothing compared to seeing the expression on my wife’s face, my father’s face and there was nothing I could do but think about that expression when I left that day in the police car.

I was thinking, Lord, how could I let down those people that I love just getting someone some marijuana? I mean, I’m in prison and I can’t get out. I can’t help her and I was supposed to love her.

The next day I went to the Sheriff and asked, “Sheriff, Can I get out to go help my wife out?” He said, “No John, you can’t do that.”

I went back to my cell, “What did I do? What did I do? All I did was make a phone call about getting someone some marijuana.” Then I thought about my daughter. She’s mentally handicapped and I didn’t even know until this situation happened that I was her best friend. My eyes filled with water, “Lord, what am I going to do for my family? How am I going to get out of here? What will they do?” A prayer came to me … words came … just pray.

“Lord, don’t let my family suffer for the decisions that I made. Please don’t let my family suffer for my bad choices.”

The next night I lay down and couldn’t sleep. I went to the Sheriff again. “Sheriff, I got to get to the house, I got to! I got to get a job or something to do where I can be out and I call and check on her. They can’t do anything without me. My father, I have to get him up and shave him every morning. My mother can’t lift him. My other brothers aren’t around. I’m closer to them. Somebody got to do something”

It started ringing in my head, you made that choice. You didn’t think about them before you did that. You were only thinking about yourself and getting that money. You weren’t thinking about your wife was sick, you weren’t thinking about your father was sick, all you were thinking about was yourself.

Okay, well, the sheriff couldn’t let me out but about 9 or 10 days later he made me a trusty at the courthouse. So, that was a little better. I could see her pass by with the kids in the morning going to school. So I felt a little better but I still wasn’t there helping. Still not there taking care of the man’s responsibility for someone he says he loves.

So … well maybe she can drive herself to chemo, God gave her the strength and I prayed and sure enough she drove herself to chemo, took my daughter to Birmingham for her treatment and I kept on praying. “Lord, looks like things are getting better.” But I’m still in jail.

Summer was coming and things were coming up that I had to do. No way could they get things done without me. I got to get out! I went back to the Sheriff. “Sheriff, you think I could get a pass to go home this week-end?

“No John, sorry, we don’t give passes. I know you need to be there, I know she’s sick but you’ve been sentenced now, you can’t get out.”

My eyes filled with water then I prayed; “Lord what did I do to put my family in this?” I prayed again, “Lord, Lord, why didn’t I think about my wife was not going to have a ride, my daughter was not going to have a ride, before I messed up and got that marijuana for my friend.” That friend, well he was supposed to have been a friend- but he wasn’t a friend-he worked with me … So be careful who you call friend.

My wife is doing better, as a matter of fact when I came to jail on January 28, 2004, she enrolled at East Mississippi and she’ll graduate this coming December, My daughter, who is mentally handicapped, graduated in May. But I’m still in jail.

What I want to say to any kids, any grandkids, before you decide to sell any drugs or do any crime that will cause you to be incarcerated think about the people it’s going to affect. Besides yourself. I really think it will help you. It should. If you really know what love is and really care about someone.

You will be behind the iron but they are all going to do the time, because they are going to worry about getting you something to eat, getting you some money for the canteen and you don’t have to worry about anything.

No bill collectors have called me since I’ve been in jail, they know I don’t have any money but I can guarantee you that they call my wife. They haven’t cut the lights off since I’ve been in there, they haven’t cut the air off but I guarantee you they’ll cut it off at the house if she doesn’t come up with the money, even knowing she was disabled at the time. There was no way she could afford things the way I left there.

This is the way I got into that situation. I was raised in the church and God was the head of my life. I went through the military and made it fine but as soon as I got back I took charge. “I can handle it from here on this side, I can handle it.” That’s where I went wrong.

When everything was going along fine, I turned my back on God and let the devil take charge and I wound up in the prison system hurting everyone that I love.

Now I’m standing here telling you that He’s my Pilot and I need all your prayers to stay on that straight path and I guarantee to try to help everyone that I can to be the kind of person that their family probably started then off to be when they were small and the temptation that they are up against. I hope that I might be there for some young man, some young lady, somewhere, someway; to let them think about the ones they love before they sell any drugs.

Shannon Bardwell is a writer living quietly in the Prairie. Email reaches her at [email protected].