If you could bottle up love and put it in a jar, what do you think it would look like?

I love asking this question, because everyone gives and receives love so differently. It’s something we try to explain through things like “love languages” and other personality classifications. But if you had to make love a real thing you could touch and carry around, what would it smell like, taste like or feel like?

I’ve never asked my grandmother that question, because I’m pretty sure she would give me a look like I’d lost my mind. But if we got past the strangeness of the question, I’m pretty sure she and I would have very similar answers. Love is a carefully mixed, intentionally decorated dessert that leaves the taste of sugar on your tongue.

And for me, that dessert is banana pudding.

I say that because my Mimi has always shown love through desserts. Every birthday and holiday for years, it was a given that she was bringing the cake, pie, cookies, or other sweet treat to share. It’s also how she’s shown love outside of our family – always carrying a full pie plate or precariously balanced cake to every church event. The woman does not show up empty handed, and you always know whatever she has will be delicious.

So when Hunter and I were on the verge of getting married a few years ago, I asked her if she would be willing to make our wedding cake for us. I knew I was asking a lot. I told her that I could get a bakery to do it instead, if she wanted. But it would mean the most if it came from her.

The moment I asked, I knew getting a bakery cake was out of the question. All she asked was how many people the cake needed to feed and what flavor I wanted. And thus, the three-tiered banana pudding wedding cake was born.

Yes, you read that right. Banana pudding flavored cake. My husband was a little doubtful at the time, too. But my Mimi’s banana pudding is transcendent. Layered between three tiers of vanilla cake, soaking up the flavor, it was divine. And so, our marriage started with the most delicious cake I think I’ve ever had the privilege to eat.

Since then, my Mimi’s banana pudding has become my husband’s favorite dessert. So when his birthday was coming up earlier this month, I asked my Mimi for the recipe. What I didn’t realize was that I was also asking for a piece of family history.

My mother sent me a picture of the recipe to use just a few weeks ago, and I realized it isn’t from any book or website. In many ways, it is hardly a recipe at all. For the past 40 years, my grandmother has been using a list of ingredients, written in the careful cursive handwriting of my Great Aunt Billie Jo Williams. I never knew my Great Aunt Billie, but the writing on that faded piece of paper is identical to my grandmother’s and my mother’s, to the point that I could barely tell how old it was except for the yellowing of the page.

After my mother sent me the photo, she also sent me the instructions, carefully typed out as Mimi had dictated them. And so, I had the recipe for my husband’s favorite dessert, passed on from one generation of women in our family to the next.

It took longer than I expected to get the texture whipped just right, but soon I was done making my great aunt’s banana pudding. Pudding that has become my Mimi’s banana pudding and is now mine. The whole time, I imagined those ladies making it for so many different happy occasions, and all of the summer moments it must have brought people together.

It was the perfect way to celebrate a July birthday, and an even better reminder of how many different ways love shows up in life. And in my family, love is sweet, light and layered with bananas and vanilla wafers.

BANANA PUDDING

(Recipe from Billie Jo Williams)

Ingredients
1 large package instant Jello banana pudding mix
1 1/2 cups milk
1 can sweetened condensed milk
1 (8 ounce) container of Cool Whip
3 large bananas, sliced into rounds
Vanilla wafers

Directions
■ In the bowl of a standing mixer, combine pudding mix with Cool Whip, sweetened condense milk and milk together. Start out slowly, to not lose any of the powder or liquid, and then increase speed to medium and then medium-high as ingredients begin to combine.
■ Whip pudding on high speed for about 20 minutes. It will take longer than you expect, but keep whipping until it reaches a light, slightly aerated consistency. It will still be pudding, but it should stick to your spoon, not run out like liquid.
■ Once pudding has reached your desired consistency, layer wafers, banana slices and pudding in serving dish. Repeat until dish is full. Keep refrigerated until ready to serve.