It’s that time again. You know, new beginnings and all that jazz. A new year is upon us, and it’s time to purchase that gym membership that will only be used in January. From there, we’ll stare ahead as we pass Planet Fitness and pull into the donut factory instead. It’s OK, though – we’re in this together. Whatever that resounding resolution may be, we’ve all made one and subsequently failed to keep it.
I think it would be much easier if we could assign resolutions to one another. Heavens knows I can think of at least a dozen people I’d like to see change. After all, it’s much more gratifying – and less onerous – to expect change from others rather than make it for ourselves.
Even better, I’d like to see a group effort. Maybe an entire family agreeing on a shared New Year’s resolution. It could be anything from no telling lies to wearing one face instead of two. There are plenty of healthy options for a resolute resolution to a kindred new year.
We leave the Christmas season wanting to feel good about what took place, but oftentimes things somehow feel worse. Why is that? What’s the recurring theme most of us share throughout the holidays, other than eating too much? The answer is family. We all have one, and they all manage to tip the scales of dysfunction.
How many times on a holiday have you heard the phrase, “But they’re your family”? Never mind the premise that most families have a cauldron of toxicity stirred by skeletons in their closets. The narrative surrounding the holidays has always been: sweep it under the rug and smile like you mean it. But at what cost?
It’s confounding when our families insist we trade a piece of ourselves for our peace of mind. I once heard a phrase from a movie: “We’re all just people, some of us accidentally connected by genetics, a random selection of cells. Nothing more.” When you say it out loud, it’s not wrong. So why do we feel guilty when we choose peace over dishonest harmony?
What is this word “family” that we hold so sacred down here in the South? Generally, it’s the brood we grew up in or the one we marry into. We like to hope that both constructs consist of peace, honesty and love. But what if one doesn’t? Ironically, many friendships exist on those traits more than families do.
I already know what some of you may be thinking: “But Clay, how could you speak against the importance of family?” Well, the answer is simple: I am speaking in favor of family – the type that makes you better, not bitter.
Remember, categorically, we are all just people, and people are going to act like people. The good, the bad, and the ugly will invade our lives, and sometimes it comes through relatives because shared DNA isn’t immune to malignant behavior.
It’s no secret that dysfunctional family systems survive in denial. For example, Uncle Jon Doe might be devoid of integrity, and on a good day, he’s a steaming sack of cow manure. But remember, he’s family, so embrace him and smile for the camera. Isn’t that the lesson we’ve taught?
I decided to look up the definition of family and settled on one of the many descriptions that encompasses all:
Family: all of the people from a common ancestor.
In my opinion, that seems to narrow things down. Every single one of us is family.
So that begs the next question: Why do we allow relatives to treat us poorly but rarely tolerate such behavior from strangers? Could it be because we’ve traded our integrity for a broom to sweep the truth away in the name of blood?
Perhaps it’s time to throw the baby out with the bath water. How can we know what’s good for us if we continue to think so archaically?
For my inaugural column of 2026, I’m leading the charge and taking one for the team. I leave you with some chicken soup for the soul, served cold: A New Year’s resolution for all…
“If it doesn’t feel right, it’s probably wrong. Practice saying no and be protective of your yes. Don’t presume anything, and be mindful of everything. If we are one big family, it’s up to us to change the narrative. Even the closest hand can hold a dagger, so choose your circle wisely.”
Disclaimer for my circle: I write a column, and I write about things. This isn’t personal.
Happy New Year!
Clay Bowen is a Columbus native who cooked professionally as a chef in fine dining for 12 years and appeared on the third season of Top Chef. He is also a licensed landscape horticulturist. Email him at [email protected].
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Quality, in-depth journalism is essential to a healthy community. The Dispatch brings you the most complete reporting and insightful commentary in the Golden Triangle, but we need your help to continue our efforts. In the past week, our reporters have posted 30 articles to cdispatch.com. Please consider subscribing to our website for only $2.30 per week to help support local journalism and our community.
