I often hear the phrase, “believe what you see,” but how can we be so sure? Does an image tell the whole story? I’ve written about topics such as perfection, acceptance, hope, patience and good intentions. My subject matter leans toward the positive aspects of life while steering our minds to the greater good. But look closely and you’ll see that my life is just as flawed as the world we live in.

Since the inception of this column, my awareness has become heightened. I have taken myself to task by way of my own words. If I say one thing and do another, I could easily be perceived as disingenuous. But is my life as positive as my column? Do my words match my actions? I wish my answer to those questions was a resounding yes, but that would imply a life without flaws, and I have many.

In a world full of filtered social media pics, we convince others that our life is a fairy tale. We capture the happy, special and successful moments on camera. But we never post the photos from the deleted album, the ones when someone wasn’t smiling, a baby was crying or the sunset wasn’t just right in the background. But when did real life become so ugly to us?

I love to flip through old family albums of my siblings and me. Those photographs have a voice. Back then, you snapped pictures, dropped off the roll of film and life itself found exposure. Stories were told through candid facial expressions. There were no filters or pressure to make it right for social media. Just people living through the good and bad not concerned about how it may look to others.

I try my hardest to live by my own words. But just like those old pictures, I don’t have a filter or delete file for my less appealing moments. I, just like everyone else, have some really bad days. I also have some really good days. On those bad days I try to pause and think about what really made it bad. Was it just a few bad moments that I allowed to rule the day, or was it actually all bad?

So why don’t I write about the negative? Well, for one it may not get published. And two, we all write that story for ourselves everyday. As much as we’re convinced that positivity shall reign, some days it’s just not that easy. Don’t get me wrong, I know some people who have “joy down in their heart,” and I’m a better person after being around them. But if you’re anything like me, “stuff happens” and the only solution is to feel my way out of it.

Negativity gets such a bad rap, rightfully so. But that doesn’t mean it can’t be embraced. Bear with me here… Let’s all go back to when we were very young. None of us were told to “just be positive” when we threw a tantrum over life not going our way. We were allowed the space we needed to cry it out and come into ourselves. We toddled our way through the good and bad days and found comfort from feeling our emotions.

Sometimes pushing the narrative of positivity onto others when they’re down can cause them to feel overwhelmed. It becomes counterproductive. Rather than allowing space for someone to feel, we carelessly tell them to “be positive,” as if that’s a magic wand that can be waved and all will be right with the world.

How about instead, we make space for ALL the feelings. Cast away the presumptive and accept that maybe someone doesn’t feel like smiling for the picture. What a relief it would be to take away the pressure of feeling happy. I am the world’s worst about wanting my loved ones to be happy. But if I look closely, I can see that I sometimes expect their happiness so that I no longer feel responsible for it.

Lately as I’ve looked around our little town, I’ve felt confident that we’re all going to be OK. I understand the passionate feelings of our citizens and it gives me hope, because the moment we stop feeling is the moment we stop caring. “Stuff” is gonna happen, but a day is not over until it’s over, and just because it starts bad doesn’t mean it can’t end great.   

I truly hope my words help others. I tell stories about my life so that my message remains real. Make no mistake, positivity takes a beautiful picture. But every so often we should remove the filter and let down our guard. Frown if you must and smile if you can, the image is never that important anyway. Let life’s roll of film develop and embrace whatever may come. Even when it’s ugly, it’s actually beautiful. Just look closely and you’ll see.   

Clay Bowen is a Columbus native who cooked professionally as a chef in fine dining for 12 years and appeared on the third season of Top Chef. He is also a licensed landscape horticulturist. Bowen writes in his free time and is working on a book about his experiences and travel. Email him at [email protected].

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