I haven’t had that precious phrase in the headline called to me in years, but I can still hear it when I picture my once little boy riding his bike with no training wheels or climbing way too high on the playground at Lee Park. Today I find myself watching without being prompted. Admiring the milestones that have been eclipsed and anticipating the ones to come.

I had a really fun story to share this week, but it dawned on me that Father’s Day was upon us so it will have to wait until next time. I also had a really funny dad joke about pizza to share with you, but I felt it was a little too cheesy. I’ll see myself out now.

My sisters and I lost our father when we were very young. A life gone too soon. In time, we stepped into a new dynamic for which the patriarch was our stepfather Alan. He was really good at it! All of the onerous requirements his role demanded he delivered on with an unwavering determination. Sure to not let any of us fall behind, he would right our ships and take us to task.

Each gray hair on his head was without a doubt earned honestly. He also left this earth too soon. But at the time of his death he had successfully ushered each of us children into a safe and happy place in our lives. My stepbrother, stepsisters, me, and my sisters were all looked upon with the same dutiful care. It seemed to be his fatherly charge, one that he led with gusto ‘til the very end.

My father in-law, also named Allen, has taught me so many valuable things over the years. Shamefully, I don’t think I’ve ever told him so. We have a shared sense of humor and I remain in awe of his honesty and hard work. I can only hope that my daily laboring could live up to his immeasurable work ethic. A firm hand yet gentle acceptance was his gift to me. Never giving up on me when most would, his patience for my worst allowed him to see my best.

So many varieties of dad will be doted on this weekend. New fathers, the fathers to be, dads old and young, grandfathers and fathers passed, father figures and mentors, and the underdog but crowd favorite, the stepdad. Fathers are in keeping with their archetype, filling the big shoes of the others that came before them. A constant that knows just when to save you from yourself but pushes you to be more. A bit of a cliche maybe, but if you’re lucky some things are.

I think my love for cooking has deep roots that supported the branches of my kitchen career. My dad cooked and had a restaurant. I still have some of his recipes and I often imagine the pride he might have for his passion that picked me.

Presently as a landscaper myself, and having grown up in a family of horticulturists, I laugh when I think of the dread I felt about working on a landscaping job or at my parent’s retail nursery. Laying sod was abhorrent. Watering plants was like a medieval torture technique. Who was this man my mother married? My immature mind would ponder this as I lazily pulled weeds from flower beds. The nerve of him teaching me to work (insert sarcasm). I hope he knows I’m better for it today. Every Saturday one of us five children did our time down at that nursery, I like to think that deep down he just liked having us all nearby.

In light of the stepfather role, it is no easy job but holds equal reward to the real thing. I can speak from experience. The relationship between stepparent and child is a distinctive type of friendship that forms. A special bond capable of standing on its own two feet. A reciprocal love that is learned through patience, humor, and common ground. A shared love for the same person which creates a pulse and purpose in the family bond.

Fathers are a unique bunch. We walk a fine line of what makes us who we are. But who are we really? For every heartwarming story I can tell of my own experiences with or as a father, each of you have your own. Just close your eyes and draw from any of the impressionable memories from the dads in your life. We all have that one story or piece of advice they’ve repeated to us for countless years. For me and my siblings the advice was “don’t be stupid.” I can hear him saying it now. A pensive phrase I should have heeded more often.

It really doesn’t take much for dads to stand out in our role. While 90% of it is just showing up, the other 10% we all make up along the way. It’s not such a hard gig when your spring board is being the strongest man in the world according to your young children. It’s a very weighty role and an ancient playground bragging right still attested to this day.

Truth be told, standing out is not really what we’re known for anyway. It’s a running joke that Dad is often forgotten about and gets the raw end of the deal. Mom gets all the glory and dad gets a pair of socks. But speaking from my point of view, those socks mean everything in the world to us. As we unwrap them we’re reminded that we are present and you are accounted for. What a special exchange and simple in its expectation. Deep down all we need is to know that everyone is OK. For us, that is a job well done.

Fatherly approval is what I sought for years, when acceptance was always there. No approval was ever necessary for the love I received. I hope my children feel this now and will continue to feel it as they grow older. As a father and stepfather, my acceptance will always be inherent and unearned. At times it’s hard for us dads to push aside our own expectations and accept those that our children have for themselves. In my experience though, it usually has a way of working itself out. I delight in being proven wrong when the outcome is paired with joy.

I still have certain expectations for myself. Some may still not meet my father’s approval. But I will push forward anyway, knowing that I’m always accepted, looking up and saying, “Hey Dad, watch this!”

Clay Bowen is a Columbus native who cooked professionally as a chef in fine dining for 12 years and appeared on the third season of Top Chef. He is also a licensed landscape horticulturist and is currently the general manager of a local landscaping company. Bowen writes in his free time and is working on a book about his experiences and travel.