STARKVILLE — The first time they met, June and Bette were too shy to talk to one another.
It was a party in Columbus in the late 1980s. Each had been told to come by mutual friends who said they “want to introduce you to someone.” But the blind date felt forced and they did not spend much time talking. June says she’s the shy one, but she picked up the phone and called Bette the next week to see if she wanted to go out. They went for dinner that week, and the next one.
“We just like to pal around,” Bette said. “We’re still kinda palling around after all these years.”
In the eyes of the state of Mississippi, Bette and June are just that: Pals and roommates.
For now, at least.
The U.S. Supreme Court ruled Friday that same-sex marriage is legal nationwide. That means the marriage license Bette and June got in California in 2008 will be recognized in Mississippi as soon as the U.S. Fifth Circuit Court of Appeals removes the stay order U.S. District Judge Carlton Reeves issued last year. That is expected to happen early this week.
But even when same-sex marriage becomes legal, Mississippi’s LGBT community still faces the risk of being fired by employers or banned from certain businesses due to the Mississippi Religious Freedom Restoration Act. Because they fear the potential consequences of Bette’s employer knowing she is gay, the couple in their late 50s who have been together for 27 years asked The Dispatch to not use their real names in this story.
‘It’s thrilling. It’s historic.’
For Mississippi State University political science professor Dr. Ravi Perry, the U.S. Supreme Court’s ruling Friday was a victory personally and professionally. Perry is an openly gay man who married his husband Paris Prince in August 2012 in Massachusetts. They moved to Starkville the next month so Perry could take a job with MSU.
“We came here fully with the knowledge that not only were we moving to a more conservative place in terms of attitudes and values, but in terms of the law,” Perry said. “We came from a state in Massachusetts where we had every right and legal protection including adoption rights, including employment non-discrimination at the state level, et cetera. You can still be fired from your job for being gay in the state of Mississippi.”
Perry and Prince enjoy living in Starkville. They frequent downtown restaurants and bars with friends. They play tennis at McKee Park. He said they were struck by “the true genuine warmness of the people here”.
Friday’s ruling ensures that couples like Perry and Prince will not see their marriage status change state to state.
“It’s thrilling,” Perry said. “It’s historic. And it’s about time.”
He hopes the ruling will help lead to a change in rhetoric from the state’s conservative leaders, but knows that could be an uphill battle.
“People have used their Christian values of late — from (Sen. Roger) Wicker, (Sen. Thad) Cochran, (MS House Speaker Phillip) Gunn — to change their opinions on the Confederate flag,” Perry said. “They should be doing the same thing this week in terms of marriage equality…the religious communities don’t have to agree within their own private religious orientations, but the law of the land is what it is and it’s about time.”
Perry said attitudes on same-sex marriage are changing in the state. A colleague in the political science department at MSU conducting polling in 2014 suggesting a plurality of Mississippians support same-sex marriage. Still, Perry said the laws and culture of Mississippi leave lots of room for improvement.
“Marriage is not the end of the discussion,” Perry said. “This is the first hurdle really to cross in terms of bringing LGBT Mississippians to full equality.”
From symbolic to reality
On August 13, 2014, Perry and Prince registered their marriage at Oktibbeha County Chancery Court as part of a symbolic protest by the group Campaign for Southern Equality. They were among several couples statewide who have been married elsewhere to do so. Although not apart of the original protest, after seeing Perry and Prince on the evening news, Bette and June were inspired to do the same. So the next day, they filed their California marriage with the court, too.
As soon as the U.S. Fifth Circuit Court of Appeals stay order is lifted, all four will be legally married within Mississippi.
Bette thought she would see same-sex marriage legalized during her lifetime. June did not. Not knowing if today would ever come, they took the opportunity to get married in San Francisco in 2008 after what they agreed was the most casual and “silliest proposal” ever. After all, they’d been living together for more than 20 years.
“I wanted us to be married because 100 years from now someone is going to go through the ledger and see our names in that book,” Bette said. “People ask, ‘Do you feel different after you say the ‘I do’s’?’ and I did.”
“I am unaware of a single marriage that ended because we got married,” June added.
They believe Friday’s ruling was a major step to ensuring future generations don’t have to hide who they are, something that became a part of everyday life for them.
“You talk in code when you’re gay,” Bette said. “Your partner is always ‘they’ or ‘we.'”
They are a religious couple, and while they said there are welcoming congregations in Starkville, the church they feel most comfortable attending is the Covenant Church of United Church of Christ in Birmingham that has an open and affirming policy toward the LGBT community.
When the ruling was announced Friday, June texted Bette, “We’re legal.”
“Yesterday I broke down crying, and I mean I just cried,” Bette said. “I don’t think people know how much this means to us.”
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