In the heyday of the 80s and 90s when I was doing most of my film related work, Los Angeles, New York and South Florida were where most of the movies and TV shows were being filmed.
For the last two or three decades though, much of the work has been gradually been moving to places which would have seemed weird years ago: Canada, Arizona, Tennessee, Georgia, Louisiana. Yes, and even some to Mississippi and Alabama. L.A. oddly enough has been losing enough work to be worried.
Mississippi, and the entire Deep South, needs to get out there and compete for a change! With a few rewritten plots and tweaked titles, we could take over the red carpet with titles such as…
SAVING RYAN’S PRIVATES
National Guard private Buck Rooney gets his “sensitive” parts caught in a mortar stand during this month’s riot training at the armory. Tragically, nothing can be done and he has to move to New York City to finish his transitioning.
THE DARK KNIGHT (or THE DARK NIGHT)
Driving 82 from Columbus to Eupora at 2:00 a.m., Tommy Glen realizes there are not enough street lights past Starkville, but there’s a whole lot of ice covered roads and ditches. A harrowing tale of bravery and stupidity.
THE GREEN MILE
Vegan terrorists take over the produce department at New Hope’s Piggly Wiggly, and a group of customers are forced to eat avocado toast and arugula until local grandmas take them out wielding freshly cut switches and assault Crocs.
ALIEN VERSUS PREDATOR
Habiba, who works down at Dollar General, is tracked down by ICE, but earns his green card by finding the real Epstein list in the back of his pickup.
DAS BOOTAY
After a concert in Jackson, Beyonce is chased by a mob of Jason Aldean fans and forced to watch 12 hours of Merle Haggard videos. She is almost rescued by P Diddy, who tries to escape from prison to save her. But he slips on the slick oily floor of his cell and breaks his iPhone.
BRAVEHEART
A tale of true courage and indomitable valor when Billy Bone tells his wife, “Yes, that dress does make you look fat.”
SCARFACE
Working at his lawn mower repair shop, Bubba is hit in the nose with an exploding carburetor. Panic ensues when his HMO insurance refuses to pay for plastic surgery and his customer wants their money back.
DIE HARD
A heart wrenching story of a death row inmate in Parchman Farm who is mistakenly given ED medication instead of pain killers during the execution.
TO KILL A MOCKINGBIRD
Leroy finds out that he’s heading for two years in prison after shooting the state bird in his backyard. Narrated by Morgan Freeman. Of course.
FOR A FEW DOLLARS MORE
A very scary story unfolds when a man pulls his Ford F350 up to a gas pump in Tupelo. That’s the whole plot.
CASINO
Actually a remake of Titanic since casinos in the South are technically cruise ships.
GONE WITH THE WIND
A mega storm cuts a swath through all the trailer parks in Jasper County.
THE SHAWSHANK REDEMPTION
Miz Shawshank from the beauty shop fights for justice when she tries to redeem a coupon at Walmart that expired last month.
Thom Caraccio ([email protected]) is a retired musician and retired motion picture scenic artist living in West Palm Beach, Florida who hails from Columbus. He graduated from S.D. Lee High in 1968 and still considers Columbus his real hometown.
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Quality, in-depth journalism is essential to a healthy community. The Dispatch brings you the most complete reporting and insightful commentary in the Golden Triangle, but we need your help to continue our efforts. In the past week, our reporters have posted 30 articles to cdispatch.com. Please consider subscribing to our website for only $2.30 per week to help support local journalism and our community.
