I know this is going to be an unpopular opinion but it’s time we recognize that this whole Thanksgiving business has gotten out of hand.
Now if I were to make that observation about Christmas, it’s likely no one would object. I would say, “Christmas has become too commercialized, too complicated, too this or too that” and most everybody would nod in agreement.
But you never hear anybody tut-tutting about what Thanksgiving has come to.
It used to be that Thanksgiving was a simple affair. There was no Black Friday shopping hovering over the Thanksgiving table, no parades down 34th Street in New York. The only people who had to work were those in essential jobs or, as punishment for being so terrible, the Detroit Lions and Chicago Bears.
All these unnecessary adornments to this, the most simple of our holidays, have evolved slowly, almost imperceptibly, to the point we hardly see the original holiday in the one celebrated now.
Nowhere is this more in evidence than in the Thanksgiving meal itself.
In American Folklore, the Native Americans and the Pilgrim settlers shared whatever was available, the basic foodstuffs of daily life – venison, corn, squash, etc. If somebody shot a turkey they had that. It could just as easily be a goose or a wild hog, rabbits or squirrels. These were simple unostentatious people, as evidenced in the clothes they wore, their mannerisms and the food they ate.
No one knows how or why, but the turkey became the traditional centerpiece of the Thanksgiving meal. That’s fine. It’s a simple, affordable protein, very much in keeping with the humble nature of the original holiday.
A hundred years ago, the typical Thanksgiving spread would have been a turkey, stuffing/dressing, a few seasonal vegetables/fruits and bread with maybe an apple or pumpkin pie for dessert.
I read somewhere that today the average Thanksgiving meal consists of anywhere from seven to 10 side dishes, probably because everybody felt it would be rude not to bring something. And if you have to bring something, why not make it a big production? It is in this fashion that the current abominations appeared, gained a toehold and now cling to the Thanksgiving meal like barnacles on a shipwreck.
Probably the most egregious offenders arrived in the 1950s and ‘60s – the twin horrors of Ambrosia and congealed (aka Jello) salads.
Ambrosia salad is basically canned fruits and nuts dumped into a sea of marshmallows.
Marshmallows rarely make anything better. In fact, I have developed a Helpful Guide for determining whether marshmallows are a suitable ingredient:
Are you adding them to ‘Smores or Hot Chocolate? Yes.
Are you adding them to Anything Else? No.
Congealed or Jello salad is basically chunks of fruit hideously trapped inside gelatin. It reminds me of those pitiful little prehistoric animals that somehow got trapped in amber and became preserved. Like amber, the only thing gelatin brings to the formula is preservation. Yeah, let’s eat that.
Cranberries, in any form, add nothing. If you were to make a list of the 50 favorite fruits, cranberries wouldn’t make the list. The sin of cranberries is greatly magnified by the existence of cranberry sauce, the Jello of the canned fruit world. A general rule of thumb is that anything that retains the same shape as the can it came in is dog food. Thus, cranberry sauce is a dessert for dogs.
And, please, spare me the casseroles in all their manifestations. You are not impressing anybody. Green beans aren’t improved by dumping a can of cream of mushroom soup on them and putting fried onions on top. Green beans can stand on their own just fine. The same goes for sweet potatoes. No need for butter, nuts, etc. Also, remember here, the Helpful Guide for Using Marshmallows.
Potatoes au gratin is for people who fear potatoes are not fattening enough and remedy that by adding tons of cheese and cream. Mashed potatoes cannot be improved upon. So just stop it.
Creamed spinach? What is this? Thanksgiving in a supermax prison? Nobody wants it.
I am told that some people even serve soup on Thanksgiving. I don’t know these people. For that I am thankful.
Slim Smith is a columnist and feature writer for The Dispatch. His email address is [email protected].
Slim Smith is a columnist and feature writer for The Dispatch. His email address is [email protected].
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