Tomorrow is Thanksgiving, the day set aside each year to gather with friends and loved ones, give thanks for our good fortunes, enjoy a lovely feast, find comfort in our shared memories and, of course, confront Uncle Bob with the question: “What is the matter with you? Seriously.”
That last Thanksgiving tradition happens mainly in years when a presidential election precedes the holiday and the political temperature is at its peak.
On rare occasions, everyone is in agreement and harmony prevails. This ain’t one of those years, folks.
Then there are homes where politics don’t even exist, which is hard to imagine.
The Amish, for example, do not engage in politics. It makes you wonder what Amish families talk about at Thanksgiving.
Perhaps they just sit around and bicker over whether a box joint is superior to a dovetail joint. I bet the chin whiskers just fly when that debate gets cranked up. “Fine, then, Ezekiel, raise thine own barn next time! Seeth if I doth care!”
Of course, you could make the point that arguing over the merits of wood-crafting has at least some practical value compared to the bickering about how stupid somebody has to be to have voted for (take your pick).
But there is little doubt that the potential for angry outbursts to intrude on our Thanksgiving is as high now as at any Thanksgiving in recent memory. This time, people didn’t just vote FOR one candidate. They voted AGAINST the other, too. It was kind of like slamming a door, then opening it and slamming it again. (Dang, that felt GOOD!)
So the people who gather around the Thanksgiving table are likely to be a bit edgy, especially when they are in the company of family members they know or suspect may have intentionally voted to destroy everything we hold dear.
Republicans will be in a mood to gloat. Democrats will be spoiling for a fight. Libertarians will be huddled in a corner somewhere hoarding their mashed potatoes.
Oh, the host might insist as the guests arrive that everyone refrain from political talk in honor of the true meaning of the celebration and everyone might agree to those terms. But it is a truce that cannot last.
Someone will make a benign observation about the meal: “Wow. This green bean casserole is wonderful!” Then someone, most likely Uncle Bob, will respond. “You know what’s wonderful? Trump’s immigration policy!” and it all goes to hell.
It’s going to happen.
Given that inevitability, there are a few things you can do to keep the debates below the “Quick! Somebody call 911!” level.
For starters, it would be wise to consider hosting the meal at the home of the family’s most liberal member. Have the meal at Cousin Tom’s house (“I have a shotgun in the closet, I think, but I haven’t bought any shells since 1972”) as opposed to having it at Uncle Frank’s house (“Here, hold my Glock while I carve”).
It might also be wise to expand the guest list to extended family members. Hey, there may be a third-cousin who just happens to be a hostage negotiator. That might come in handy.
Plastic dinnerware is always a wise choice. We are talking specifically about the flimsy white plastic ones that go for 99-cents-per-500 at the dollar store rather the hard, clear plastic utensils which cost more than your actual silverware and can be used to field-dress a buffalo. That completely defeats the purpose, you understand.
If possible, you might be able to negotiate a ceasefire where everybody agrees that they will not discuss politics until 30 minutes after the meal has been consumed, you know, sort of like what you tell little kids about swimming after lunch.
By then, there’s a least some chance that most of the obnoxious combatants will have either succumbed to call of the post-meal nap or you will have. It works either way.
You can also make sure the TV is tuned in to the NFL football games, which can be a needed distraction. Liberals and Conservatives can generally agree that the referees are idiots. Libertarians object even to the existence of referees. Common ground unites all.
These are merely tips, of course.
If it helps, remember that Thanksgiving comes but once a year.
It’s probably OK to be thankful for that, too.
Slim Smith is a columnist and feature writer for The Dispatch. His email address is [email protected].
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Quality, in-depth journalism is essential to a healthy community. The Dispatch brings you the most complete reporting and insightful commentary in the Golden Triangle, but we need your help to continue our efforts. In the past week, our reporters have posted 35 articles to cdispatch.com. Please consider subscribing to our website for only $2.30 per week to help support local journalism and our community.
