I’ve been thinking a lot recently about dogs and their influence on interpersonal relationships.

First, some dog data.

Hungary leads the world in dog ownership per capita, followed by Portugal, Brazil and Australia. Although the U.S. is fifth on the per capita list, it does have the most dogs – 78 million, which is 26 million more than second-place Brazil.

I don’t know the geopolitical relevance of these dog demographics. No clear pattern emerges.

That’s OK, though. I am more interested in the implications of dog ownership here in the United States.

I’m a little surprised to know we have that many dogs. You would think we would be nicer to each other because of it..

This warrants some explanation. As the country rends itself over politics, good people urge us to focus more on what we have in common than what separates us.

There’s some wisdom in that, I think. Shared interests can unify us because we see the other person in a more generous light.

When you find out that the person you have grown to despise is a fan of the team you root for, differences are put aside, at least on game day. When you discover that the insufferable person grew up in your hometown, there is the potential for a pleasant conversation. If that jerk is a Parrot Head (Jimmy Buffett fan) just like you, you are eager to share your Buffet stories and probably, a beer..

There are probably dozens of other examples where discovering what we have in common softens our opinions of those we disagree with politically, even if only a bit.

But, based on my own experiences, nothing breaks down those walls better than having the same breed of dog as your adversary. If I learn that somebody I’ve come to loathe has a poodle, I’m tempted to give him a small measure of grace. But if he, too, has an English Bulldog, my estimation of that person rises immensely and I am able, at least for a time, to embrace that kinship.

We have had as many as five dogs in our family at the same time. Dooley the Dachshund and Paddy the Pointer have crossed the Rainbow Bridge, leaving us with Jolene, Jolene, Jolene, Jolene the Great Dane (Jolene for short), Fred the English Bulldog and Nina the ancient, almost completely blind Chihuahua who bumps around the house like some sort of canine Roomba, but doesn’t seem particularly upset about it.

If you have any of those breeds, I will consider you pretty close to a brother, no matter how ridiculously ill-informed, narrow-minded and intransigent you are. Anybody with a Bulldog can’t be all bad.

I think we need to lean into this dog dynamic as a tool to promote empathy and understanding in our troubled nation.

Just off the top of my head, I can think of a few things we could do.

First, we have way too many breeds running around. The fewer the breeds, the more likely it is that the people we encounter will have the same breed as we do, which maximizes the potential for building bridges of understanding.

We could start with the American Kennel Club’s Top 10 most popular breeds, and then expand it, to say, the 25 most common breeds. Our household would be in good shape with the No. 6 Bulldog, the No. 15 Great Dane and the No. 21 Chihuahua. Dearly departed Dooley the Dachshund would have easily made the cut at No. 9.

Admittedly, owning the same breed as your antagonist is not guaranteed to create harmony. Hitler owned a beautiful German Shepherd named Blondi, but that doesn’t change how I feel about him at all.

But that’s a rare exception.

Of course, the most popular kind of dog is the Mutt of Unknown Ancestry, which accounts for 53% of the U.S. dog population. Fortunately, there are companies that provide DNA testing for dogs now, so we could run the tests and classify the mutt based on the recognized breed it is most related to.

We could establish a 20-year grandfather clause so nobody would be separated from whatever obscure breed they currently own.

The second thing we could do is to require every social media account on every platform to include what breed of dog the person owns, including a photo, first impressions being important.

Finally, we could provide tax deductions to promote dog ownership, although I’m still mulling that idea over,

There are probably many other ways we could use dogs in the promotion of peace.

There are, after all, a lot of “Gooood Boooys!” and “Gooood Girrrlllls” out there we could use in our quest for peace and harmony.

It’s high time we go to the dogs.

Slim Smith is a columnist and feature writer for The Dispatch. His email address is [email protected].

Slim Smith is a columnist and feature writer for The Dispatch. His email address is [email protected].

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