I often joke about saying goodbye at the grocery store. You know the scenario. You’re standing in the produce section picking out bananas and along comes an acquaintance or friend. Small talk ensues, goodbyes are exchanged, then you bag your bananas and continue with your shopping. When what do you know, two aisles over you run into the very person you just bid adieu. You awkwardly laugh and say something cliched like “fancy meeting you here.” Initiate wash, rinse, repeat. Because this pattern is sure to continue all the way to the self check out.

Do we ever consider the goodbye when we say hello? Not just in casual meetings but in life. We work so hard at those first impressions. We’re painfully aware when we enter a room full of people, almost to the point of rehearsing just what to say. A job interview or first date awakens the finest version of ourselves, and our best manners play first chair when it’s time to “meet the parents.” But what about those farewells?

Of course we attach our heart and emotions to telling loved ones goodbye, it’s intrinsic. But do we show the same careful awareness when turning the page to a new chapter in our lives? I tell my children and employees that the way you leave a job, relationship, or situation can dictate the outcome of so many unforeseen variables. We can be finished, done, kaput, and yet still move forward with effortless grace.

My youngest son, Landon, will be leaving his summer job at a restaurant in a couple of weeks. My wife Shannon and I have each spent a fair amount of time in the food service industry. So we have personally found that working in a restaurant  teaches unparalleled patience and unforgettable life lessons. Working with others and the public in a busy, high stress and unforgiving environment are vital tools for getting to know yourself and the world we live in.

Landon knew his time was coming to an end with his job and asked me how to go about leaving. I told him the next time he worked to let his boss know the exact date he planned to go and make sure it was an adequate amount of time to work out his two weeks notice. But more importantly, I stressed to him the responsibility of saying goodbye the right way.

A pleasant hello is typically reciprocated with the same response, whereas a meaningful goodbye goes one step further. Sometimes we exit situations that aren’t ideal to us anymore. Whether it be a bad breakup or finding that something or somewhere no longer fits us. I have seen some of the most hard earned and mutually respected relationships drown themselves in a sea of egos. But reaching an agreement, or agreeing to disagree, is a gift we can all bestow one another by maintaining the fact that we may meet again.

Landon bravely put in his two weeks notice. It was received with kindness and professionalism. His boss went as far as to tell him this wasn’t goodbye. He told him the door was always open and to consider it a leave of absence because he had hopes to see him again. And if not, the opportunity would always be ready and waiting.

When I asked him about it later that day, he told me what was said with such hope and relief in his voice. Saying goodbye can be so hard no matter what form in which it presents itself. Landon probably doesn’t even remember his interview for that job, but he’ll never forget his departure.

As an adult I can recall many times that I mishandled my exits, departures and goodbyes. Selfish would be the best word to describe many of the immature ways that I’ve left situations. If only life were more like the grocery store meeting, how prepared I would always be. Thankfully I’ve learned a lot from parenting and I never know what situations will arise with our children. It’s humbling and refreshing to apply those teaching moments to myself.

I have my own goodbyes lingering out there and I’m learning to assume responsibility for my part. It’s pertinent for me to remember that a lot of those goodbyes will be met with a new and different circumstance two aisles over. So for me, I will always go back to those vital restaurant values that have thankfully been imparted on my son. Remembering who I am, having patience with others, and leaving with grace. Knowing how to go lightly while carrying the weight of your words is sure to turn a goodbye, into “I hope to see you later.” 

Clay Bowen is a Columbus native who cooked professionally as a chef in fine dining for 12 years and appeared on the third season of Top Chef. He is also a licensed landscape horticulturist. Bowen writes in his free time and is working on a book about his experiences and travel. Email him at [email protected].