STARKVILLE — Many important topics arise when a team hires a new coach.
What factors went into the decision? How will the coach adjust to the new program? What are the coach’s goals for the team?
This is not a story about those things.
Mississippi State officially introduced Mike Leach as its new football coach Friday at the Leo Seal Jr. Football Complex in Starkville, and as it is wont to do when Leach is involved, hilarity ensued.
While Mississippi State Athletic Director John Cohen made it clear that Leach wasn’t hired as a result of his charisma and sense of humor, Leach showed them off in spades Friday when he gave a brief opening statement and fielded questions from reporters.
Here are some of the most memorable Leach-isms from his first appearance as the Bulldogs’ new coach.
On his opening statement
I’m not a big opening statement guy. This is maybe the longest one of the year.
On what his Air Raid offense will look like at Mississippi State
I’ll be able to give you a better answer after about a week of spring.
On the makeup of his coaching staff
I don’t have a perfect answer for that. I’ve been here maybe 24 hours.
On team film meetings
Although necessary, I myself was trying to sort out a way to make it go as fast as I could.
On Mississippi State’s old visitors’ locker room
Last night, I wanted to go down memory lane to the old visitors’ locker room, the artistry of which I truly admire … The old visitors’ locker room at Mississippi State was literally a work of art. Now it’s an office. … Just the thought that went into it, the malicious intent. I counted them, and if I recall right, 37 nails in a concrete block, two toilets with no seats and no lids, and in the middle, one roll of toilet paper. The thing with football, there’s always memories. There’s stuff you remember all your life, and that’s one of them. I was slightly disappointed that the greatest visitors’ locker room of all time is no more.
On new Ole Miss coach Lane Kiffin
I’ve always liked Lane, and I know that you’re not supposed to like anything from Ole Miss.
On the strength of the head coaches in the SEC West
I like playing against crummy coaches better.
On Mississippi State’s live mascot, Jak, and his bulldog kind
You don’t want to get bit by him, I’ll tell you that. That’s the dog version of a leather jacket. He’d be like the Fonzie of bulldogs. … They call them bulldogs for a reason. They’re built for combat. … Young kids a lot of the time start out afraid of them, maybe for good reason. I know I’m scared of this one.
On the size of Mississippi State’s football players
I’ve always been told I have reasonably big hands. When I shake hands with some of these guys, I feel like I’m 10. We’ve got some big hands and long levers — which is arms; that’s football for arms.
On keeping his team disciplined
If you want guys to go to class, you’ve got to make sure that not going to class becomes really inconvenient.
On his black George Sherman suit
What do you think of my suit? Don’t get used to that part of it.
On his own mortality
But the other side of it is, you’re gonna be dead in 100 years anyway … You want to try to have as many experiences as you can. Everybody’s got goals and things that they want to accomplish.
On Starkville fashion
Everybody’s not running around in linen suits even when it’s their casual time.
Theo DeRosa reports on Mississippi State sports for The Dispatch. Follow him on Twitter at @Theo_DeRosa.
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