Mississippi State University held a short coronation ceremony prior to Saturday’s spring football game where Bully XXI, aka “Jak” was installed as the university’s mascot.
As a Mississippi State alumnus, I wish Jak a long and successful reign. It is also my hope that, when that day arrives, Jak’s departure will mark the end of choosing an English Bulldog as the university mascot. I further suggest the new mascot should be a dachshund.
I realize the mere suggestion of this is heresy on a scale the eclipses even the “Rebel the Black Bear/ Colonel Rebel” drama endured by MSU’s sister institution.
But, please, hear me out before you rush to assemble the tar and feathers.
I have science and observation on my side.
Let’s start with the science.
There is likely no better argument for the unfortunate consequences of selective breeding than the English Bulldog. Like all dogs we call “purebreds,” the bulldog is the product of a relatively recent development in dog breeding. As a result, today’s purebreds, through selective in-breeding, are gross distortions of the canine species. The end result are animals who have been re-engineered to produce traits that, for the most part, favor aesthetics over health. The English bulldog of 100 years ago was far more athletic, healthy and durable than today’s version. The modern English bulldog, which features a short, stocky build, deep skin folds and characteristic flat nose and a prominent under-bite, is pretty much a health disaster. Bulldogs have a plethora of health problems including cardiac and respiratory disease, hip dyspepsia, cherry eye and other concerns. They are extremely susceptible to heat problems and require regular cleaning of their folds to avoid serious skin problems.
Let me pause here to note MSU takes extremely good care of their bulldogs. They are given the kind of care you would normally associate with a university that boasts one of the country’s preeminent veterinary schools. Pedigrees of bulldogs selected to continue the “House of Bully” are painstakingly reviewed to minimize the negative effects of continuous in-breeding. Even so, having the healthiest bulldog is kind of like being the best Mexican restaurant in China Town — a somewhat dubious honor.
If MSU persists in keeping the bulldog as a mascot, I suggest the school honor its status as a leader in veterinary medicine through a deliberate attempt to breed out 100 years of bad choices and return the bulldog to its original condition, it would be a great testament to the high standards and principles of the MSU vet school.
On the down-side, I’ve seen old black-and-white photos of that earlier bulldog and it is, unquestionably, the ugliest dog imaginable, certainly nothing you would want on a T-shirt.
Which leads to my recommendation of the handsome black-and-tan dachshund as a suitable replacement.
At this point, I lean on observation.
I have a three-year dachshund named Dooley. Since December, I also have had the pleasure of frequently dog-sitting my niece’s English Bulldog, Smoot. At 9 years old, Smoot is ancient in bulldog terms. He is also quite large and mostly sedentary. He is sweet-tempered, affectionate and quite content among our four dogs and a cat. He is, in every sense, a “good boy.”
However, when choosing a mascot, most schools choose something that embodies the character traits they admire and aspire to.
“Sweet-natured, affectionate and agreeable” are not the sort of qualities that strike fear in opponents.
Dachshunds, on the other hand, are quick, athletic, tenacious and brave — they were originally bred to hunt badgers. In fact, “dachshund” is German for “badger dog.” The dachshund’s long torso and short legs (H.L. Mencken described the breed as “half-a-dog tall, a dog-and-half long”) were designed to pursue badgers deep into their burrows.
Any animal that will engage a badger and its long, razor-sharp claws in such close quarters is a pretty tough hombre. Don’t let their comical appearance fool you; Dachshunds are a warrior breed.
Consider also, that MSU football coach Dan Mullen has long insisted that his teams display “relentless effort.”
Smoot is relentless, sort of, between naps: Dooley will pursue his prey to the point of exhaustion. Dachshunds do not “get over it.” Dooley once attacked a box turtle for four hours, barking himself hoarse until I dragged him into the house, where he barked through the window for another solid hour.
If the English can go from Hanover to Windsor, certainly MSU can dispense with sentimentality and tradition to make the move from bulldog to dachshund.
So long live Bully XXI.
Dooley I will be ready on the appointed day of succession, a fact that will strike fear into the hearts of the Wisconsin Badgers … not to mention the Maryland Terrapins.
Slim Smith is a columnist and feature writer for The Dispatch. His email address is [email protected].
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