It is a parent’s worst nightmare — a headache or throat ache that turns into something more sinister: cancer.
It is a reality parents of nearly 10,500 children in the U.S. will face this year, according to the American Cancer Society. It is also a reality at least two parents who work at Henderson Ward Stewart Elementary have faced in the past decade.
Londie Smith, a second grade teacher, and Mary Esther Elam, the school nurse, know firsthand the impacts childhood cancer has on a family.
Smith’s son, Bennett, passed away in 2019 after suffering from neuroblastoma, a cancer that affects the adrenal glands and typically sits on top of the kidneys. He was first diagnosed in August 2016 at the age of 6.
“Initially, Bennett said that he had a cough, and we just went to check it out at the pediatric clinic in Starkville,” Smith said. “At that point he had a really high blood pressure, so the doctors suggested we immediately transfer to Birmingham but they were too full. We were then transferred to the children’s hospital in Jackson. … They were able to determine his high blood pressure was caused by a tumor attached to his left kidney.”
Bennett went into remission twice, but when his cancer came back a third time in January 2019, doctors said there wasn’t much that could be done to help other than to offer comfort care to Bennett and his family, which included his two older sisters.
Despite the cancer beginning to take over his body, Bennett remained positive and took in as much as possible, including his Make-A-Wish trip to Orlando with his family.
With tears forming in her eyes but remaining steady with the composure every elementary school teacher has, Smith said Bennett never once complained about his condition.
“He never complained through anything,” Smith said. “It really touches me because I just think about how tough life is and how we complain about something, and all Bennett could ever think about was, ‘When am I going to get back to school?’ and how much he loved school. … They decided to do a memorial garden in his honor, and we’ve kept it going.”
While fondly remembering her son with a smile on her face, Smith said Bennett loved his family and school and even wanted to be a math teacher and a principal.
Smith’s colleague, Elam, helped her son Cole in 2014 when he was diagnosed at the age of two with hepatoblastoma, a cancerous liver tumor.
Elam initially thought Cole swallowed a toy because she felt his belly protruding, so she quickly rushed him to Starkville Pediatric Clinic where they did x-rays and informed her it was a tumor. From there, Elam and her husband made the decision to go to LeBonheur, then went to St. Jude, both in Memphis.
“He had almost a year of treatments,” Elam said. “He went through a liver resection where they took part of his liver out. He was stage four before they figured out what it was. He had about a softball-sized mass in his liver. … He kept initially complaining about his neck hurting, so we went to the doctor. Pretty much before we got home, the doctors called us and told us we need to start thinking about what we want to do because he had a mass.”
Cole is now in the fourth grade at Starkville Christian School and has been in remission after 13 treatments.
“He has hearing aids because the chemo caused hearing loss,” Elam said. “He’s a 10-year-old boy who plays baseball and does all the things normal kids do. … He loves Mississippi State baseball, and he loves going to the games. He even has favorite players.”
Finding support in community
Smith said the days of treatment at the Children’s of Mississippi Hospital in Jackson were long and expensive days, and she had to often lean on family, friends and colleagues in the Starkville-Oktibbeha Consolidated School District to help her at home.
“We had twin daughters in the sixth grade at the time, so we generally needed to keep some normalcy for them and keep them in school,” Smith said. “His father and I had to be at the hospital so we had to use family and friends to help the girls stay in school while we were there with Bennett. … I got an extensive amount of support from the school district. People donated days off, they collected money to give to my family, students wrote cards, they sent snacks, letters – the amount of support we received was very extensive and extremely helpful.”
Bennett attended HWS when he was diagnosed, and his classmates and the entire school rallied behind the family. Smith said the costs began to add up from the gas to Jackson to the meals at the hospital to providing for those watching her daughters at home.
One of the many ways her coworkers helped was by making shirts adorned with the saying, “No one fights alone,” with all proceeds going to support the Smith family. Teachers lined up to get the shirts and helped in any way possible.
She knows the physical and mental cost childhood cancer has on a family, and she, along with other teachers at HWS, continue to make sure any family has what they need during the unthinkable.
Each year in September, HWS students, staff and faculty recognize “Go Gold” week where they learn the importance of helping others and supporting those who may be going through a tough time.
“With the help and support we got, we really want to help others that may be going through this,” Smith said. “During ‘Go Gold’ week at HWS, we take up snacks and supplies for families that are going through cancer because there’s so many people that when they get to the hospital they realize they forgot something or they want something. … One time Bennett wanted his favorite thing: grits. I didn’t have any grits, but I found the last pack of grits in the family room at the hospital.”
Lean on faith
Both Smith and Elam said the support they received from SOCSD, churches, friends and the community as a whole is what helped them the most during the difficult times they faced as parents whose children had cancer.
When offering advice to any parent currently going through helping a child with cancer, both emphasized leaning on faith and the roles churches in the community played in helping support their families.
Elam said she knows because of her faith there is a reason for everything, and helping her own child through cancer has helped her be a better school nurse to help other people’s children. A point she honed in on was listening to the aches your child complains about especially if it is a consistent complaint.
“I tell people all the time that I wish we didn’t have to go through it, but I’m glad we did,” Elam said. “It made us stronger in our faith, and it made me stronger as a nurse, too. It makes me pay attention to the little stuff that may not be as obvious. I had one little boy last year who had a tumor in his head, and we pushed his mom to get it checked out. Thankfully it wasn’t cancerous, and he’s back here doing fine.”
In a final word to anyone helping their child through cancer, Smith stressed the importance of remembering the good and happy moments to make it through.
“Lean on your family, lean on your faith, and take it day-by-day,” Smith said. “Take a lot of pictures and videos.”
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