An eager rustle among spectators signaled that the bride was about to enter. Heads turned in anticipation. Piano music played and smiles broke out as she began a slow procession down the aisle. It’s a scene enacted at weddings every day. But Idessa and James Little’s ceremony Monday was unlike most nuptials in a deeply personal way. The venue was the Alzheimer’s unit at Plantation Pointe Retirement Community’s Windsor Place in Columbus. It’s been Idessa’s home since February 2015. The bride, 78, and groom, 87, were wed 41 years ago, on Aug. 28, 1976. Idessa doesn’t remember, so James married her all over again.
“It all started when my daughter Phyllis and I were visiting with Idessa one day,” recounted James. He’s a frequent visitor to Windsor Place, driving from Starkville almost every day to visit Idessa. For the most part, she is non-communicative now, but they stroll the hallways and courtyard, or sit peacefully as he holds his sweetheart’s hand and talks to her.
“On that day, Daddy was sitting there holding her hand and I asked her who was holding her hand,” said Phyllis Little Jenkins of Starkville. Getting no response, Phyllis later asked her if she was married to James; after an interlude, Idessa answered “no,” but did eventually respond affirmatively when Phyllis asked if James loved her and if she loved James. It was later, at home, that the idea of a second wedding came to Phyllis. She promptly got in touch with her father.
“I told him, let’s do it again,” Phyllis said. “Let’s get married again and see if she can remember that one moment, that one day.”
“That started the ball rolling,” her father would later say, “and it turned out to be one of the most memorable days of our lives.”
Memories
Loss of memory, independence and identity are some of the cruelest affects of Alzheimer’s disease. In Mississippi, there are about 53,000 known cases in people 65 and older in 2017, according to the Alzheimer’s Association’s Mississippi Chapter. Because of its progressive nature, those living with the disease will require increasing levels of care over time. For the Littles, that difficult journey began about six years ago.
James is originally from Louisville. Idessa is a native of Fairfield, Alabama, but it was in Detroit that the two met. She worked in health care. He was a city bus driver; they were both active in the same church. When James stopped by Idessa’s one day to pick up some church paperwork, “she was decorating her apartment and rehanging curtains. I told her, I can hang curtains,” chuckled James, who ended up contributing a few hours of manual labor to the cause. Their courtship blossomed.
Idessa never had children, but when she and James married in 1976, she gained three loving daughters, from James’ previous marriage.
“From the first day I met her, she was so sweet,” said Phyllis, who calls Idessa her “bonus mom.” “When I say ‘the best,’ if someone was going to have a second mom, she has been that many, many times.”
Facing the challenge
For four decades, the Littles’ strong bond saw them through raising a family, relocating to Starkville and working side by side in their church, as well as in a local marriage and family ministry. When Idessa’s symptoms first surfaced, it was alarming.
“At first it was around the house, just things that she began to get confused about that she was accustomed to doing all the time,” James said. “Then she began to want to go home, to go see her mother, and her mother had been deceased for several years.” The situation deteriorated. James did his best to care for his wife at home for several years, but it became apparent that hard decisions had to be faced.
Roxine Ware of Starkville, one of James’ sisters, said, “He wanted to keep her at home. It was such a hardship to have to send her to live somewhere. He worked and worked until he found a facility he was comfortable with. … He’s an amazing guy, my brother. I wish there were more like him.”
James praises those who care for Idessa now, “all of the people who have helped me through this thus far, they have done a wonderful job.” Many of those caregivers were on hand to witness Monday’s ceremony.
“It was wonderful,” said Kathy Hanson, director of nursing at Windsor Place. “He’s very devoted to her. … To see the look on their faces when she responded when the minister asked if she would take this man to be her husband. We didn’t know if she would answer or not — sometimes she just smiles at you — so we were all really happy to hear that.”
That moment brought applause from family members during the touching ceremony. “It was the icing on the cake!” said James. “To have her respond at that precise time, when he asked her.”
Adina Welker was among those watching the renewal of vows. She’s event and volunteer coordinator with the Alzheimer’s Association’s Mississippi Chapter in Jackson. When she heard of the Littles’ second wedding, she was inspired to spread word of their story. She, through the association, also made sure Idessa had a resplendent bouquet to carry and that James wore a red rose boutonniere.
“This is such a cruel disease, but when you have moments where you can grab joy or happiness and celebrate life, that’s something we all need to grab with both hands,” Welker said. “This is a love story, a story of inspiration, encouragement and hope, even in the face of a crippling disease. … A person with Alzheimer’s disease may not always know the people in their lives, but the heart remembers.”
After Elder Ozell Landfair Sr. from Griffin Memorial United Methodist Church in Starkville pronounced James and Idessa man and wife Monday, loving family members gently lowered her into a chair. James stood in front of his bride and said, “This is what I wrote for you, my dear,” then recited a poem he had penned on the occasion of their 32nd anniversary years before. The sentiments were still just as strong.
“I just thought, that’s the same person God gave me 41 years ago, just as beautiful now as she was then,” James later said. “I love her as much and more now as I did then. She will always be my heart, my bride.”
Editor’s note: The Alzheimer’s Association Mississippi Chapter’s Golden Triangle Walk to End Alzheimer’s is Saturday, Sept. 9 at the Oktibbeha County Courthouse. Registration opens at 8 a.m., with a ceremony at 9:30 a.m. and walk at 10 a.m. Contact Cindy Brown, 662-321-5773.
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Jan Swoope is the Lifestyles Editor for The Commercial Dispatch.
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