The Russians, and I don’t mean the ones from the “stan” countries, are white.
They’re not just “courtesy white,” either, you know, like Jews or Greeks. They’re very white, like Polish people are white, like the bad guys in “Deliverance” were white, like Vanilla Ice is white. They’re like us, I mean, they’re like me. They’re white and they get bad sunburns.
We, the real Americans, we’re white.
And the Russians have people in their country who aren’t white, but those people never get to be in charge. Look at Vladimir Putin. He’s as white as a glass of milk. Russia has dark-skinned people who wear colorful native costumes — like we have Indians in Oklahoma — but the Russians don’t let them run anything.
They got problems with the Muslims, too. They have terrorism because of those people. They have problems with the Muslims in the Middle East, too, and they bomb all the same people we bomb.
They used to be real communists, the Russians, but they pretty much gave that up. Now, they’re run by rich people who own everything and have gold toilets in their houses.
They’re badasses, too. You know what happens if you destroy a Russian embassy and kill the ambassador? They bomb you. They kill thousands of you. They don’t take any crap. What do you think would happen if the Russians had to deal with Black Lives Matter? They’d kill them as soon as they started to riot.
They don’t let people disrespect the military or the cops, either. If you pull a comb out of your pocket and point it at a Russian cop, he’ll kill you. You do something wrong over there, you go to a prison camp, not some country club jail.
And they’re white. White as snow.
They’re like we used to be back when we were tough, before the liberal pansies in Hollywood starting making movies like “Driving Miss Daisy,” where all the black people and Jews are heroes and all the white people are stupid rednecks.
You think the Russians give their kids “participation trophies” just for showing up? You think they coddle criminals? You think they have all this political correctness like we have over here?
When the Russians wanted Crimea, they took it, like we took Texas from the Mexicans. They don’t like the Chinese any more than we do.
We can learn a lot from the Russians. In fact, maybe we could partner up with them on a lot of things. We could get together and have the biggest army in the world and together we could clean out that infection in the Middle East.
We’re in NATO, and we give them billions of dollars, and we get nothing except the chance to be on the same side as the French. They surrendered in World War II, you know.
How about we try riding with a winner? How about we quit being big allies with Italy, and ally ourselves with the Russians instead? In America, our culture is vanishing under a tide of darker people on welfare who the Democrats let into this country to destroy our rights.
Let’s join with the Russians. We wouldn’t run their country, and they wouldn’t run America, but we could work together, learn from each other, make things safe again all over the world and here at home, too.
There’s not much difference between a white American and a white Russian. Together, we can rule the world. …
I don’t really think we should partner up with the Russians to rule the world. It’s just something I thought up while watching Donald Trump’s most recent press conference. After all, I had to think of something.
Marc Dion, a nationally syndicated columnist, is a reporter and columnist for The Herald News, the daily newspaper of his hometown, Fall River, Mass. For more on Dion, go to go to www.creators.com.
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