“No vice is as bad as advice.”
Marie Dressler
It is said that the difference between women’s magazines and men’s is that magazines aimed at women are all about self-improvement, and men’s are about how great they are. I do most of my magazine reading in the checkout line at Kroger (aka K. Roger, thanks to Ms. Stone!). It appears that there is much truth to this.
I do like to take advice on how to be better in every way (of course, not as much as I like to give advice). But, this week an article entitled “10 Vices That Are Actually Good For You” inspired me to read content instead of just headlines.
According to Health.com, such things a chocolate, romance, coffee and wine are good for you. The article also lists sunshine and vacations as “good” vices. What sort of simpleton doesn’t know this? And, an even bigger question, when did these wonderful things become vices? I would challenge the vice cop who wrote these laws.
Most women know that chocolate is therapeutic. Let’s face it sometimes we just can’t take a vacation. And, well, romance can be elusive. However, with three new coffeehouses in Columbus alone, most of us can find this elixir of the Gods. For those of us of legal age, wine is also quite easy to acquire.
The authors of this article must have forgotten to mention pets as a path to serenity and fulfillment. Kittens, puppies and living things of all sorts (even house plants) are sometimes as beneficial as tranquilizers. No prescription needed. Of course, calling domesticated animals a “vice” would be about as much of a stretch as calling sunshine and sleep “vices”.
Apparently there is a plot afoot to make everything fun somehow taboo. I was never a smoker. That habit, once considered movie-star sexy, is now forbidden in polite company. Smokers are contemporary pariahs.
Perfume is another target for prohibition. There are many complaints about the excessive use of scent. What’s the big problem? I find stinky people much more offensive.
Why don’t we issue a ban on obscenities? That is truly the crutch of the ignorant. Those who don’t have the vocabulary to make a point should just be quiet.
Chris has two new substitutions for obscenities. One is, “God bless America!” The other is, “dagnabbit!” which makes me feel like I’m married to Gabby Hayes. He gets a pass when the Saints are playing badly, but I leave the room for that. Often, our two doggie-daughters do not escape right away. All that yelling and cursing is quite upsetting to them. Soon, they take refuge with me, playing on the computer until the football game is over.
So, if cursing is unpleasant to animals, who do not understand the meaning, then perhaps it should be outlawed. That, in my opinion, is a real vice. Of course, this presents a problem for people like me who do not curse (well, not often, anyway), but who are supporters of the First Amendment rights.
I think the only answer is to find a new definition for vice. Such things as vacations, sunshine and wine do not fall into this category. The next time we finds ourselves in the grocery store checkout line, we should just bypass the magazines that are filled with self-help advice, and scoop up a handful of dark chocolate. Now that’s the kind of “bar” I can accept.
Adele Elliott, a New Orleans native, moved to Columbus after Hurricane Katrina.
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